Gorzellany is a Woman, Screwin Women, and the Ballclub is shuckin GODDAMNIT!

While everyone's a woman [even Soriana is on the verge of womanhood], I'm retaining my claim as as as the biggest man ever. I smoked a Goddamn cigarette, screwed a ton of women, and I got tossed out of a game against the Rockies men. They were calling us women and a I told them they were 100% right. We Womaned it up first against the Marlins when Gregg refused to smoke a goddamn cigarette leading to blow two saves and blow Trammel's teeny weeny. Then we went we went to the Reds, and despite not screwin any women we came through 2 outta 3 and even Gorzellany was a man. Then we went to Colorada and screwed some of the Rockies few groupies but but but the Rockies were pissed off and killed us 3 outta 4. In the last game we were bein the biggest women ever and Gorzellany had a woman attack after attempting to be a man an unleashing a shitty throw. But that's to be expected. He started to cry and be a woman and that sent the emotional coordinator out, who I punched in the face cause I could smell his womanness, came out and tried to help him, but he refused to be a man, so I took the Goddamn ball from him and sent him home. As of right now I'm in Goddarn Kansas with 5 hours to get to the ballgame. To close it out I've sent ya some pictures of women I've screwed lately.

Thanks for Your Time,

Louis Victor Piniella

MANager of the Chicaga Cubs

Both Bakers are men, screwin women, and Soriana comin through again

=====> Soriana's a man again.

GRAND SLAM TO BEAT THE ASTRA WOMEN

What a man. Never saw DeRosa do that er er er. Speakin a which, the Cardinals got that man Matt Holliday. But thats to be expected. Anywho, I've just been screwin a ton a women, smokin a ton a goddamn cigarettes, and bein the man I always knew I was. Durin the Reds series, I talked to Baker. The one who smokes even more goddamn cigarettes than me. What a man. But it turns out his Baker counterpart on this ballclub is also a man. But the fans don't pay fuckin shit to im. I even tried pumpin up the crowd goddamnit. FUCK. Speakin a that, I've included some pictures of women I've screwed!

Thanks for your time,

Louis Victor Piniella

Screwin a pregnant woman, havin a baby, and meetin Obama

This has all been pretty goddamn eventful. First, durin the Cardinals series, I screwed Erin Andrews after battin practice. Then, over the all-star break, I got back together a a a woman I impregnated post-crappy Dodgers playoff series. So we talked about goin back to my place and screwin, so we did. In the middle of screwin, she told me me she was havin a contraction, but I told her it was just the toasty torpeda workin its magic, so I could finish. Then, its gettin worse, and the the the next thing I know, her damn water breaks all over my damn toasty torpeda. I was'nt expictin it, so I improvised. I delievered it! I don't know how, but I did! So waddya know. I got another baby. Doggammit. I named it Somtin Soriana Piniella. Then durin the Nationals series, I met Obama, and told him he was a man and discussed anarchy. Then i i i i got shot but tmy good ol flab came through for me. Then Obama banned me from smokin a cigarette in the the the white house, so I threw it at him. His security came over, but I told em we were just bein men. So thats about it for this week.

Thanks for your time,

Louis Victor Piniella

Whats been goin on lately?

Okay so first thanks for your time readin this. This week the ballclub has been bein women but its also been up and down. First of all, Trammell has been fillin out the lineup cards. He put Soriana sixth. Hes the best player on the ballclub ever, and I figured becaue of that he should bat leadoff. But Trammell, bein the woman that he is, does'nt folla my logic. Then he benched him, and I called him a woman again as usual. But the big thing this has been that we traded one of the big women on the ballclub. Freel. In return we got som crappy Oaper cigarettes from those Royal bastards. We also got cash considerations for cigarettes and women. The Oaper cigarettes were a rusult of the Royal bastards' cheapness. They were so crappy we decided to put em out in the player lot to give a welcome present to those dog gamn Cardinals and DeRosa. But this week, after we got back from that Pittsburgh shitbox, I went on one of my good ol jamborees. If ya know what I mean er er er. Ive got about 100 so far this week. 156 to be exact. So Ive got to go figure out what happened to my porn machine, screw some women, and I'll see ya next time. Thanks for your time.

Louis Victor Piniella

Bein a man on the Chicaga Cubs

1.Screw Women.
2.Smoke a goddamn cigarette.
3.Be a good ballplayer.

Thanks for your time,
Louis Victor Piniella